From the table to the ceiling.

It's a stack of videos. Simon built it to stop the living room from collapsing in on itself.

Hot bevs!

Like most human beings, Simon enjoys drinking hot beverages. To facilitate this, Simon has a collection of receptacles, a small sample of which is shown here. As you can see, they reflect his main interests: american punk rock, Neptune - god of the sea and things which look like piano keys but aren't.

Obsolete igloo.

When Simon needs to house his robots, he often builds a structure out of video cassettes.

Time for dinner!

When it comes to dinner time, Simon will always eat some sort of sauce and carbohydrate. Here, he is enjoying tortellini with Napoli brand tomato and chilli sauce, decorated with his parsley from the garden. Sometimes he enjoys a Lloyd Grossman curry sauce, but he never enjoys Lloyd's pasta sauces. Too salty.

Sing when you're Simon.

One of the many things that Simon likes to do is sing. Here he is performing with his revolutionary skiffle three piece in a bar in Turkey.

Many thanks to the Major for the snap.

Simon's in the pub.

This is how it looks.

Monday to friday.

During the week, Simon can be found fielding calls and enquiries from this desk. He is Britain's leading importer of full face latex animal masks.

Emo hairdo.

Simon thinks this can be described as an "emo hairdo". I agree.

Word fun.

One of Simon's favourite hobbies is playing the G2 crossword. If you look closely, you can see that he's completed today's puzzle. 

Simon's favourite band.

This is Simon's favourite band playing at a festival that happened today. They're called The Grizzled Shit Swing Bastards. They play Proto-hard-skiffle-prat-punk. Note the poor attendance.

Coffee o'clock

A famous dead person once sang "it doesn't matter if you're black or white". When it comes to Simon's coffee, however, it must be white. This is not a reflection of his ideologies.

That wheel's not usually there.

I wonder if Simon knows about it?

Simon's room.

Has no bed. He sleeps on the floor as it's "better for his back".

Helpful henry.

This is Simon's most recent Christmas present to himself. Superb suction.

Wap this blog.

This blog is so informative that Simon obsessively checks it on his teletext based mobile internet browser.

Post edited for clarity and decency.

Simon's in the pub.

He's on the right.

Black wash

These are the black washing up gloves that Simon uses to wash the dishes. He orders them from a gothic domestic supplies website based in Norway.

Ketchupski

When it comes to condiments, Simon exclusively consumes Polish ketchup. 

Simon's in the pub.

It looks like this.

Shitting on the internet.

My telephone allows me to take pictures and then immediately post them on the internet. Simon, pictured here, described this as akin to "shitting on the internet". Smell my faeces, world wide web.